Beata has day off ~ a no-count day, 7.03

Due the the Independence Day weekend, Beata has the day off so this is a no-count day.

Thursdays in Ionia ~ Day 4, 7.02

Written July 2, posted July 3

So, here I sit in my car using my laptop from our driveway. Kavaun is sleeping peacefully in his car seat and he is at the point that if I wake him, he will not fall back asleep. So, as a self-proclaimed good father, I have chosen to leave the car running so he can get his rest and I can do what I planned to do anyway (write this entry).

We spent our third consecutive Thursday in Ionia. I am so happy that I am sticking to my commitment to get home at least once per week this summer. I enjoy seeing family and friends and the familiar places that were my childhood. Part of my Thursdays in Ionia effort is related to getting Kavaun out and with his cousins and grandma KK. I never want to look back when things get busier and wish I had taken advantage of this time in the summer to be with family. I hope to have Kavaun around his cousins and aunts as much as possible in his childhood. As a child, I always enjoyed family gatherings and I still look forward to them. I absolutely loved all the time I spent with my cousins. My favorite times with family were probably from the time I was seven until twelve or thirteen during Thanksgiving and Christmas. The Ionia Free Fair fireworks, Thursdays at my grandparents to watch the Cosby Show and the lucky moments when we were visiting with my grandparents and another aunt or uncle Dan would stop by or the occasional Memorial Day or Labor Day get together with watermelon - those are the times I remember fondly. I get nostalgic thinking about how much support I had from my family growing up.

Today I was reminded of how much I value cousin time when I had lunch with my cousin Jeff. In general, our family gatherings have kind of turned into a mix and match of little kids, in-laws and surface conversations. Everyone is so busy with kids or catching up on the basics that I feel like I miss out on good conversation and meaningful interaction. Having a one on one lunch with Jeff today was just the type of family time I needed. He is the most entertaining character I know. And he is one of the small circle of people I can completely be myself around - especially when it comes to being critical and negative about other people. I love it.

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Kavaun has had a busy couple of days. Yesterday he hung out with Gabe, our neighbor and the grandchild of Beata's former boss. Gabe is two weeks older than Kavaun and when I use the term "hung out" what I really mean is that they shared a space and both boys did their own thing. As you would expect, they were pretty independent. When Kavaun sees his cousin Jude who is about five months older than he is, it is a little bit different story. In general, the two boys keep to themselves but every once in a while one of them will wage a battle over a ball or a bottle.

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We took Kavaun to dinner at a friend's house tonight. He was generally pretty happy and as expected, he was very curious and adventurous so Beata and I ate one at a time. Our hosts, Michelle and Andy are getting married in September. We were asked to do a reading at their ceremony which is flattering.

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Beata is writing a story on the anniversary of the tragic accidental death of a three-year-old boy who died last July. On his third birthday, a large table collapsed on him at his day care center which was part of a church building. Beata interviewed the mother yesterday for the first time. In addition to this story, Beata has done some in-depth reporting on day care facilities and code violations. Her stories have generated a lot of interest in Genesee County and have brought awareness to important issues involving child care.

I think these types of stories take a toll on Beata, especially now that we are experiencing how unique and special it is to love your own child.

Pictures will be posted soon.

- N

Happy Wednesday

Day 3 ~ 7.01 Smiling

Beata said to me one day in the car, "Think of how many smiles Kavaun has added to our lives."


In only nine months, there have been countless smiles. Someone told us that our marriage would be broken into two parts - before Kavaun (we were told that would seem like forever ago) and then everything after September 30, 2008.

We smiled a lot before Kavaun and I would not change a thing. We traveled a lot, took time for one another, built a savings account, went on dates, etc. But the smiles are different now. Sometimes they're a bit more tired, sometimes they are more work, but most of all they seem to crop up unexpectedly in ways that I could not have predicted.

So, here is the abbreviated laundry list of my smile moments as they relate to our little guy.

1. When he naps (right now). Sometimes my smile is delayed because I am a bit groggy myself. Kavaun has given new meaning to the value of downtime.
2. When he giggles at our goofy antics which include, and are not limited to, us singing made up songs, funny faces, peek-a-boo, tickle time and re-enactments of all varieties.
3. When Kavaun plays the tank game and just goes right over or through anything in his path, even if it means he will do a face plant on the decent down from his climb.
4. Kavaun says "mama" or some variation of mama.
5. When he spits his food back at me with the loud motor sound that shakes his smoochable cheeks.
6. Playing with Woofy, his stuffed puppy that keeps him company in his crib.
7. When he follows his favorite book, "Is You Mama a Llama" so intently.
8. Bath time
9. When Beata comes home from work and calls out to him, he gets a huge smile on his face and is so genuinely excited to see her.
10. When I put the phone on speaker and Kavaun hears his moms voice or his grandmas voice. He giggles and laughs. We have a recording of him laughing and when he hears that, he cracks up too.

We have a play date at noon with a Fenton friend. Tonight is daddy's night out. Basketball with the guys at 8 p.m. and then dinner and drinks with the fellas.

I would not trade this summer for anything.

-N

Beata the Career Woman ~ Day 2, 6.30

Beata is trying a new work schedule for one month. Basically she piles up more hours working Monday through Thursday so that she can stay home Friday to work from her home laptop in the morning. Her career has been on shaky ground for about a year now. In 2006 she was being haled as the best rookie reporter in the state of Michigan and today we have resided to being gracious that she still has a job despite a huge pay cut. I use the term gracious loosely since on some days we are scratching our heads trying to figure out how she can use her skills and passion to find a better job. New management and a less-than-congenial boss have made things more challenging. (Since this is a private blog I guess I can write these things.)

And with Kavaun in the picture all of these life events take on new meaning. In many ways Kavaun has been our constant source of happiness and joy. I grew up with my mom working long hours, and thankfully she enjoyed her work for most of my childhood. Her struggles and stresses were a bit different though. Money was always tight even and my mom was doing it on her own. And she had two little ones demanding her energy. I subconsciously made the choice long ago that I would do everything in my power not to allow financial stress and my own frustration get the best of me as an adult. Beata sometimes acts surprised at how even tempered my reaction is to certain things. I remind her that it is much easier for me to stay calm because I married her. Beata is an excellent saver and a planner who also appreciates that I have an even-keel approach to most things most of the time. Going it alone, I am not sure I would be able to keep things nice and level though. And I understand that staying balanced will get challenged in ways I am unaware of now.

Back to Beata and where we are now. She was advancing in her career at breakneck speed, but now she is having everything put on hold while journalism redefines itself. Beata and her colleagues are left trying to figure out where they fit in this new journalism world. It seems breaking news is more important than complete news coverage. Great writing and reporting is taking a backseat to constant feeds and updates. The Twitter world assumes just about anyone can be the gate-keeper of news which brings down the incomes for those trained to be journalists. I feel bad for Beata because she has worked so hard to be good in her field and suddenly the rules of the game are changing. I really believe that one day we will look back and be able to say that because of these changes, we made some tough choices that took us on a fulfilling path. Whether that means more education for Beata, a career change, taking a chance on a dream like becoming a children's author or something, who knows?

In our age group we are sandwiched between an older generation that valued stability and longevity in one job for 20-30 years and on the other end, young workers who will have 7-12 jobs in that time span. I guess we better embrace change.

Kavaun has given us a different perspective I think. Rather than hit the panic button (I am afraid many families are forced into hitting the panic button in this economy), we feel lucky that we have him in our lives to remind us that our careers deserve their own compartment and family time is for family. I guess we can do that much easier with an income, savings and the support we get from our families. We are grateful for all of those things.

- N
Note to self: Kavaun's giggles need to make it into the next post.

TV sitcom dads ~ Day 1 Mon. 6.29

The 1983 movie Mr. Mom, starring Michael Keaton was on TV this weekend. I watched about 20 minutes of the 80's classic. I am not a Mr. Mom. But seeing the comedy reminded me that what I am able to do this summer by staying home with our baby is pretty rare. This entry is already too predictable.

Nowadays, I do think roles have evolved and the team effort of parenting has changed. My perspective is based on my experience growing up and what I have seen in the reruns of Happy Days. I am no Howard Cunningham either, that is for sure. I am a new breed of father - kind of a hybrid of Tony Micelli (Who's the Boss?), Steve Keaton (Family Ties) with a touch of the all-time great and funny Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable (Cosby Show). We are the dads that try to share equally in all of the parenting responsibilities and household chores that can sometimes make the days seem like they are running together. I am married to a strong professional woman who thrives in her career. I could not be happier than I am now. Let's be really honest about what 'now' is for me. Relatively stress-free. Brand new. And important.

Typically I have between two and three hours of Kavaun's nap time in a ten hour stretch of time to do whatever I want at home. I do not answer to a boss or supervisor. Kavaun's care is my responsibility. His needs trump everything else, but typically his basic needs are easy to meet - diaper changes, feedings, etc. His other needs like playtime, reading and cuddling are enjoyable for me so it is not like work. However, I will admit that by the time 6 p.m. rolls around, I do like the adult interaction I get from visiting with Beata, playing basketball, going to the gym, etc.

Some routines have developed over the last two weeks.

Typically, Kavaun is up by 6:30 or 7 a.m. He has a bottle and some time with mom and dad together. It is still a bit weird watching Beata hustle around the house getting ready for work and looking all professional while I pick eye boogers and think about brushing my teeth and throwing on some shorts. Beata shuttles off to work and then Kavaun joins me on a stroll through the neighborhood. Sometimes I listen to pod casts from NPR or Sports Radio. Kavaun is usually pretty groggy.

My walk with Kavaun usually ends around 8:15 or 8:30 and by that time, it is time for a big meal for him. The last few days I have fed him outside and we listen to the birds in the pine trees. We rock and then it is nap time (hopefully). This usually gets me to the 10 a.m. or 11 a.m. mark.

Before Kavaun, I am not sure I could sit still long enough to listen to birds in the trees. I think that is one of the gifts of fatherhood. It slows everything down. I experience a lot of things through him. I watch him listen to the birds and even though I can hear them too, it is his first experience that reminds me how nice it is to hear a bird call out to another bird. I do not have to be a nature lover to get that.

While he naps, I do have some housework to get to. Today Kavaun is spending the afternoon with one of his favorite people, Tonya. She watched him everyday when both of us were working. Today I am going in to school for some professional development.