It is past midnight on a school night and I am still up and tonight my mom filled in for
Kavaun . He was in bed when I got home from playing basketball and our conversation weaved in and out of the Top Chef drama on TV and before I knew it, I was not tired.
Just like my memories of time spent at home during high school and college (less frequently in college), the best conversations with my mom are unplanned and just kind of happen. I hope that when
Kavaun is my age he is having meaningful and interesting conversations with me as much as possible. I had a great opportunity to stay up until about 3 a.m. with
Beata, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law last Monday night and I enjoyed our visit so much that I decided to stay up and keep it going because those moments are so rare. I feel like if the moment is right, it's worth the time. In the summer, I stayed at Uncle Dans until 3 or 4 a.m. once. We were in the groove (maybe the
groove ended at 2 a.m. but I still stayed)
Playing with
Kavaun is fun, but when we start to have those conversations - the important ones and the many ordinary ones - I think I will treasure that time in a very different way. When I really get the chance to connect with someone, I hang on to it. In fact, I can go down a list of many of the most
important people in my life and recall specific conversations that are still with me today. Some serious. Some funny. Most of them ordinary.
I have vivid memories and recollections that were seared into my memory. There are the family ones of course and then some others that I probably should write about so I do not forget. Examples off the top of my head:
- The Chinese dinner with Professor McWhirter in London (the day after I met Beata and he asked about our "meeting" in a semi-protective way while also letting me in on the fact she was a good catch - not that I had caught her . . . yet) or
- Teacher planning with Richard Mraz in the fall of 1999 in East Lansing (He always told me I had too much "stuff" with me and I needed to be focused on students and their learning and growth) or
- A random visit with family at Gregory's Tavern when Ryan and I had Uncle Dan rolling with our childhood stories (namely the fact our mother hired a mentally disabled babysitter for us).
- I can even remember when I was 15 or 16 talking to my grandpa in his den about my upcoming high school baseball season and then watching him drift to sleep and I stared intently at him and consciously held on to the moment because I knew time was precious. Within the year, he passed away and I was so happy I used to go up to their house often just to visit.
- And with my grandma, she had some words of wisdom when I had a broken heart and I had never really seen that side of her before. It helped. The same words from someone else would not have hit me the same way.
And how does all this fit into a "daddy blog"? Maybe it's because I want so badly for Kavaun to make those important connections with his family - in Michgan and Oregon. I want him to be aware of the positive people in his life - the teachers, coaches and friends he has. I do think his school work and his manners, his work ethic and all of those things are valuable, but so much of those things and the other things in life are influenced by the connections we have with people.
There is little doubt in my mind that while I would have likely turned out fine eventually, some major detours in my young life were avoided because of the connectedness I had to special people - again it was a lot of family and then a cast of characters like Kyle Henry, Darin Magley, several coaches - that all stepped up in different ways. Like me, Kavaun will have the advantage of good parents (that is the
plan), but I know there are so many other variables that make a difference. I just want him to have the luxury of a wonderful "community" and support network like the one I was born into.
I often joke with my friends that I do not need much else other than good
conversation. Golf, cards, movies and all that other stuff seems to get in the way of what I might otherwise consider a pretty good time. I do enjoy playing and watching sports, but given the choice, I normally choose a good visit over anything else. A baseball game, a car ride or a good restaraunt wins out everytime.
I hope Kavaun is up for my idea of a good time. And if he is not, my guess is I will simply have to learn how to play cards. The day Kavaun and I play euchre against my dad and my brother will mark a milestone that
only Kavaun could help me reach.
I love this picture from one of our afternoon walks a few weeks ago. The truth is that I have so many pictures I struggle even to pick just a few to share. My normal answer is to avoid making decisions on what to post altogether.