As if by design, Kavaun woke up last night crying around 1 a.m. - which was perfect since his family from Oregon is in town for the weekend. Grandma, Grandpa and Aunt Sara were all here to console him. Grandma Haydeh held him and rocked him back to sleep. They are staying four nights so every last minute they can get with Kavaun is treasured.
And, as luck would have it he woke up a second time around 3 or 4 a.m. Again, he needed some consoling and play time. I think it is great that Kavaun cares enough to wake up for play time with his family.
I hope he understands that after Monday night, playtime is reserved for 7 a.m. to 8 p.m.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Kavaun's Lazyboy Chair
Even though I am back at work, I am still enjoying some warm weather time with Kavaun. It has been a warm September which translates into walks and time at the park. I have a new teaching assignment which allows me to be home by 3 or 3:30 on a regular basis. Kavaun is usually happiest between 4 and 6 after he eats and naps. That means I get a lot of play time with him before Beata gets home and by the time we all play together, eat and Kavaun gets his bath, it is just about time for bed. Typically bed time seems to fall between 7:30 and 8:30. Although tonight was 9:00 p.m.
Our tradition of reading Llama Llama Red Pajama before bed continues. I love feeling Kavaun's sighs as he sits comfortably in my lap relaxed and focused on his bed time story. I am his Lazy boy recliner. I can not imagine I will ever forget the feeling of bedtime rocking or him giving me a hug, but I am told it is one of those things that could slowly fade. I can close my eyes and play the reel in my head of Kavaun laughing or his latest trick which is to walk backwards with a huge smile. Our games of peek-a-boo are much more entertaining than I expected. Most of the time I get on all fours and he runs around giggling and hiding and peeking under my legs with his trademark sneaky smile. I just love that sneaky smile. It is the sneakiest smile. It is as if he basks in knowing that he can control my smile with his own and that no matter what, in some way he will always have that over me
We decided that Kavaun is very smart because, among many things he does, he tries to turn the ceiling fan on and off by hitting the electrical outlet near the floor that he can reach. While holding him, Beata showed Kavaun the light switch that controlled the fan one day and since then he hits the similar looking outlet that he can reach and points to the fan. He is expecting it to start the fan and when it doesn't, he seems determined to keep hitting the outlet. I know, genius.
I am not sure I would say Kavaun has a temper, but our son definitely has an opinion. In fact, he is stubborn and once he gets an idea in his head, good luck getting him to have a change of heart. For instance, when we feed him we have to be careful not to leave other food in sight or he will prefer to have that other food instead. He could be starving and eating his favorite food and if he sees something else, he will point and scream until he either gets the other food or we trick him.
Eventually our tricks and distraction tactics will not be creative enough. Like Uncle Dan always says, parenting is more art than science. Thank God because we do not treat parenting much like a science. Our routines vary and our habits are born out of chance more than choice. For instance, neither one of us ever put TV programs/cartoons on for Kavaun. It was not like we decided that TV is bad for him at this age, it is just the way things are working out. Or, we are slow to introduce more table foods to Kavaun, but it is not out of fear or concern. The truth is, we are just slow to get around to it. Another example is how we have adjusted to a little bit more of his crying in his crib - we still hate it and it is fairly rare, but we have kind of realized that it is just part of the deal and a little bit can be okay once in a while. We just roll with it. For us, there are no books, but there are some basic routines that we have fallen into. Falling more than baby-training for us. Again, it is more art than science and I anticipate that with time, he will kick our asses and we will continue to be humbled. I think all parents need to be humbled. If not, then either the parents are robots, the children are robots or worse yet - all involved are robots.
He adjusts. We adjust. But the worst is when he just does not feel good and as parents it is kind of a helpless feeling. This week Kavaun got a sinus infection and it has him a little down. He is tired. And when he does the King Kong crib tirade and it sounds like his vocal chords are going to snap, I would rather rock him for a 90-minute nap like I did today than have him "scream" himself to sleep when when he already feels yucky. No science in that decision. Old school might say, let him cry it off. Some book might have another remedy which includes whispering and encouraging him with loving pats to his bottom. Me - completely instinct and all "art".
The other realization I have come to is that often times when it comes to decisions about Kavaun, we do what makes us feel better too. Sure, it makes us feel better to not have to listen to him cry so we pick him up. Or when it is difficult to put his clothes on, once in a while I just have him roam the house in his diaper or naked and I tell myself that he likes it. He might like it, I don't know. What I do know is that I like not fighting him to put a onesie on so that we can lay around the house all afternoon. I think that it's okay to be honest about that. I think that some of the scheduling that is done "for the baby" is also done for mommies and daddies too. It's all fine. We never truly know the impact of all these decisions and the one common denominator across all the styles of parenting that seems to help children is love and a real sense of support. In our circles, it is often joked about my mother's parenting style. I will say many things in her defense and at the top of the list are three main things that sometimes get lost in all the joking. Number one, she was loving (albeit, she did have some unique ways to show it once in a while). Number two, my mother was extremely supportive and encouraging. While my brother and I could be out of line and disrespectful, we were kept in check pretty well and we were never discouraged from taking risks. And number three, my mother walked the walk and never really needed to talk the talk. Her integrity and fierce loyalty was seen in her day to day life - she did not have to teach me bible passages or talk about how to be a good person, she lived it. Again, ALL art. Truly, there was no science as far as I could tell.
I will never claim to have all the answers when it comes to parenting. Like all parents, I want Kavaun to feel safe taking risks, to know he will be loved unconditionally, to learn from his mistakes and to be a good person. I am not sure that having him cry himself to sleep at night or not will really make a difference to those things, but I am sure there will continue to be things that we figure out that will make life a bit easier in the moment.
A close friend told us that once Kavaun was born we would see our marriage in two separate parts; pre-Kavaun and then the rest. (I have since been told that adding another child to the mix is even crazier - no intention of that anytime soon by the way.) Well, the rest has only gotten better with time. After the first few months things seemed to settle down and now I want to spend my free time after work with Kavaun because it fills me up. I get antsy to get home - a few times I have been home within 25 minutes of seeing the last student walk out of my classroom. And while I love the interaction and shared laughs, I also enjoy just being with my son. Just being. Sometimes just watching him "read" to himself or play with a toy is enough to keep me engaged. Getting lost in mundane things has been one of the absolute greatest treats of fatherhood. The walks or the just laying on the floor and Kavaun running and jumping on my back - these sort of unplanned things makes the ordinary fun and rewarding. And I hate to admit it, but in the back of mind I am keenly aware that all of these phases fly by so fast. I am reminded by parents who tell me this on a regular basis. Sometimes, it's like I have one eye on the moment and one eye on the clock.
Last week, I took Kavaun on two runs of about 2.5 miles each. He seemed to like the run, but I think he enjoyed our walk the best. We walked to the market about a mile from our house and on the way home, he ate watermelon and Cheerios. Most recently, I needed my Kavaun time Sunday after getting home from a weekend away with my buddies and some college football in Southbend, Indiana. Reunions are fun and as much as I enjoyed my weekend, it was nice to get home too.
Our tradition of reading Llama Llama Red Pajama before bed continues. I love feeling Kavaun's sighs as he sits comfortably in my lap relaxed and focused on his bed time story. I am his Lazy boy recliner. I can not imagine I will ever forget the feeling of bedtime rocking or him giving me a hug, but I am told it is one of those things that could slowly fade. I can close my eyes and play the reel in my head of Kavaun laughing or his latest trick which is to walk backwards with a huge smile. Our games of peek-a-boo are much more entertaining than I expected. Most of the time I get on all fours and he runs around giggling and hiding and peeking under my legs with his trademark sneaky smile. I just love that sneaky smile. It is the sneakiest smile. It is as if he basks in knowing that he can control my smile with his own and that no matter what, in some way he will always have that over me
We decided that Kavaun is very smart because, among many things he does, he tries to turn the ceiling fan on and off by hitting the electrical outlet near the floor that he can reach. While holding him, Beata showed Kavaun the light switch that controlled the fan one day and since then he hits the similar looking outlet that he can reach and points to the fan. He is expecting it to start the fan and when it doesn't, he seems determined to keep hitting the outlet. I know, genius.
I am not sure I would say Kavaun has a temper, but our son definitely has an opinion. In fact, he is stubborn and once he gets an idea in his head, good luck getting him to have a change of heart. For instance, when we feed him we have to be careful not to leave other food in sight or he will prefer to have that other food instead. He could be starving and eating his favorite food and if he sees something else, he will point and scream until he either gets the other food or we trick him.
Eventually our tricks and distraction tactics will not be creative enough. Like Uncle Dan always says, parenting is more art than science. Thank God because we do not treat parenting much like a science. Our routines vary and our habits are born out of chance more than choice. For instance, neither one of us ever put TV programs/cartoons on for Kavaun. It was not like we decided that TV is bad for him at this age, it is just the way things are working out. Or, we are slow to introduce more table foods to Kavaun, but it is not out of fear or concern. The truth is, we are just slow to get around to it. Another example is how we have adjusted to a little bit more of his crying in his crib - we still hate it and it is fairly rare, but we have kind of realized that it is just part of the deal and a little bit can be okay once in a while. We just roll with it. For us, there are no books, but there are some basic routines that we have fallen into. Falling more than baby-training for us. Again, it is more art than science and I anticipate that with time, he will kick our asses and we will continue to be humbled. I think all parents need to be humbled. If not, then either the parents are robots, the children are robots or worse yet - all involved are robots.
He adjusts. We adjust. But the worst is when he just does not feel good and as parents it is kind of a helpless feeling. This week Kavaun got a sinus infection and it has him a little down. He is tired. And when he does the King Kong crib tirade and it sounds like his vocal chords are going to snap, I would rather rock him for a 90-minute nap like I did today than have him "scream" himself to sleep when when he already feels yucky. No science in that decision. Old school might say, let him cry it off. Some book might have another remedy which includes whispering and encouraging him with loving pats to his bottom. Me - completely instinct and all "art".
The other realization I have come to is that often times when it comes to decisions about Kavaun, we do what makes us feel better too. Sure, it makes us feel better to not have to listen to him cry so we pick him up. Or when it is difficult to put his clothes on, once in a while I just have him roam the house in his diaper or naked and I tell myself that he likes it. He might like it, I don't know. What I do know is that I like not fighting him to put a onesie on so that we can lay around the house all afternoon. I think that it's okay to be honest about that. I think that some of the scheduling that is done "for the baby" is also done for mommies and daddies too. It's all fine. We never truly know the impact of all these decisions and the one common denominator across all the styles of parenting that seems to help children is love and a real sense of support. In our circles, it is often joked about my mother's parenting style. I will say many things in her defense and at the top of the list are three main things that sometimes get lost in all the joking. Number one, she was loving (albeit, she did have some unique ways to show it once in a while). Number two, my mother was extremely supportive and encouraging. While my brother and I could be out of line and disrespectful, we were kept in check pretty well and we were never discouraged from taking risks. And number three, my mother walked the walk and never really needed to talk the talk. Her integrity and fierce loyalty was seen in her day to day life - she did not have to teach me bible passages or talk about how to be a good person, she lived it. Again, ALL art. Truly, there was no science as far as I could tell.
I will never claim to have all the answers when it comes to parenting. Like all parents, I want Kavaun to feel safe taking risks, to know he will be loved unconditionally, to learn from his mistakes and to be a good person. I am not sure that having him cry himself to sleep at night or not will really make a difference to those things, but I am sure there will continue to be things that we figure out that will make life a bit easier in the moment.
A close friend told us that once Kavaun was born we would see our marriage in two separate parts; pre-Kavaun and then the rest. (I have since been told that adding another child to the mix is even crazier - no intention of that anytime soon by the way.) Well, the rest has only gotten better with time. After the first few months things seemed to settle down and now I want to spend my free time after work with Kavaun because it fills me up. I get antsy to get home - a few times I have been home within 25 minutes of seeing the last student walk out of my classroom. And while I love the interaction and shared laughs, I also enjoy just being with my son. Just being. Sometimes just watching him "read" to himself or play with a toy is enough to keep me engaged. Getting lost in mundane things has been one of the absolute greatest treats of fatherhood. The walks or the just laying on the floor and Kavaun running and jumping on my back - these sort of unplanned things makes the ordinary fun and rewarding. And I hate to admit it, but in the back of mind I am keenly aware that all of these phases fly by so fast. I am reminded by parents who tell me this on a regular basis. Sometimes, it's like I have one eye on the moment and one eye on the clock.
Last week, I took Kavaun on two runs of about 2.5 miles each. He seemed to like the run, but I think he enjoyed our walk the best. We walked to the market about a mile from our house and on the way home, he ate watermelon and Cheerios. Most recently, I needed my Kavaun time Sunday after getting home from a weekend away with my buddies and some college football in Southbend, Indiana. Reunions are fun and as much as I enjoyed my weekend, it was nice to get home too.
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