My favorite meal of the summer was eating Cheerois with Kavaun this week. He grabs them off my nose, my cheek and even my lip. He scoops one Cheerio at a time into his mouth and then shoots a hearty smile my way.
I do not have one "lasting image" or memory from my summer home with Kavaun - it's more like a series of things we got to do on a regular basis. The walks, the car rides, bird watching, the games and conversations.
This has been the best summer of my life. And now it is officially over. I go back to work tomorrow and while I will enjoy socializing and catching up with my colleagues, I already know my heart will be at home, not in the new classroom I am moving into. The people at work will serve as a good distraction I suppose. I like being a good teacher. I like being a good dad even more. Maybe when students show up next week, I will be more eager and my heart will be where it has always been in late-August.
Kavaun is my little buddy. I have spent a summer looking for reasons to go to the grocery store so I could show him off. I have taken him to school just so our secretaries and others could see us together. We went for walks almost every morning with me hoping to run into strangers or neighbors so they could enjoy Kavaun as much as I do. I have never been so proud. I absolutely love how our little guy makes me feel and that he has given me the gift of fatherhood - something that has changed me in a very profound way.
I have been a bit moody today and I know it is because I am already anticipating a tough drive to work tomorrow morning. Fortunately, that drive is only two miles. And it's weird because you would think by my general happiness when I get Kavaun down for a nap every day that it would translate to me being ready for a break. Those nap breaks mean carving out time for myself in a day that otherwise revolves around Kavaun. Now, because of work, I feel like I will be doing the reverse and carving out time for my family because 8-10 hours a day will be spent away from them. Right now, I do not like the idea of shifting my daily routine 180 degrees.
I typically do not talk about how much I will miss having all this time with my son. In fact, there is more here in these blog entries than I usually share with just about anyone. It really hit me the other day when I was meeting with a school administrator who is helping me complete my internship in Educational Leadership and she asked if I was concerned about adjusting to coming back to work. She was one of the people who saw me and Kavaun us on our visits to the school this summer and she said by the looks of it, it might be very difficult at first. I appreciate her observation and the fact she brought the issue to the table because that conversation is usually reserved for mothers returning from maternity leave.
When I started thinking about it and answering her I got a little choked up unexpectedly. I am not usually one to really open up about personal things with most people and having no time to really prepare to talk about my adjustment back to work, I guess my honest response struck a chord because I was receiving avice and hearing about a shared expereince that has helped me tackle my blues. I replied that it would be really tough at first and if I stick with coaching (which I plan to at this point), it may be even tougher in the winter.
In a small way, I am ready to back to school because I feel like I did make the most out of a great opportunity to be home with Kavaun for the entire summer. We read together, went for walks, played games, did lots of grocery shopping, spent time in Ionia and we squeezed in some Tigers games on TV as well. Like a lot of dads I am sure, I educaterd Kavaun on the finer points of the games and used my opportunities to tell him about his other relatives and some of my favorite memories growing up. And even when I was tired or caught myself looking at the clock waiting for Beata to get home from work, in my head (sometimes buried really deep if it was a challenging day) I kept sight of the fact that this opportunity would be short-lived.
I do not think I would have the perspective I have if I stayed at home full time. I am grateful I get the best of both worlds - a career that is important and a calling that I love. Three months of time with my family that is invaluable (not to mention Holidays and a spring break). Most parents - especially dads - do not have that luxury, I know.
So, here's to a wonderful summer gone by and a great school year ahead.
Nick
If you are not already aware, several of my blog entries are located at babababies.com. If you are interested I can get you password information. Also, I have TONS of pictures to upload and it will not be long before I get around to it I am sure...
