Mushy

I guess now is as good a time as any to write about the last thirteen months with Kavaun - the unexpected and the challenges.

First, the unexpected.

Of course I anticipated enjoying being a dad, but it is a different kind of enjoyment than I was prepared for. So far, fatherhood for me has been defined by "the body of experiences" more than any single defining moment. There is this incredible sense of pride that I have in my son and my marriage that I probably wear on my sleeve.

I can not imagine missing out on all of this as a parent so I do not let my heart or mind go there. News stories that involve harm to children or divorces when children are involved get my attention in a different way than I would have predicted. So far, parenting has not been scary - what's scary is that hope all loving parents have that their child(ren) is safe and will not have to face major hardships or get caught in harms way. What's scary is being honest with yourself as a parent and admitting that you are so wrapped up in your child that you cannot imagine life without him and imagining those sorts of things are just off limits. So, the depth of love and the true unconditional aspect of a parent's love, that is unlike anything I have ever known. The focus of my prayers and my desires now have Kavaun front and center.


I guess I feel like I have grown into the dad role and it has been somewhat effortless. It has just kind of felt natural so far. The one part that is not effortless is the planning and being a bit more scheduled that we were before Kavaun. But even that has not been exceedingly tough. It just means that lazy Sundays (like today) look a little different than before and that last minute tickets to a game do not get the automatic, "yes" they once did. I am happy with the trade off and never feel burdened or weighed down by a more demanding home life. I really enjoy the little things at home and feel like it so important to be in on the stresses together with Beata. I am grateful I have the time to spend at home with Kavaun.

I absolutely love play time. The best is when all three of us are playing together, but a close second is my window of play time between 4 and 6 p.m. when Kavaun climbs all over me. We play the classics - peek-a-boo and tickling. We also have fun getting Kavaun to imitate our laugh or identifying his body parts as we call them out in Farsi. The best is when he lifts up his foot (paw) and giggles in response to our excitement.


The other part of this that no one really said much about before Kavaun was born was the new light in which I would see Beata. Beata the mom is not much different than the Beata we all know except that many of her Michigan friends and family do not get to see her goofy side. With Kavaun and in the privacy of our own home, Beata is a classic nerd and I love it. But more than anything - beyond all the dorkiness, the fun and her dedication to be her best in all facets (mom, wife, journalist), if I had to choose one word to describe Beata it would have to be, graceful. Beata gracefully goes about her life without drawing attention to herself. She moves through each day taking care of her boys at home. At work, I get the sense she does the same - taking care of her work with a quiet confidence and professionalism that has earned her a solid reputation. I did not really anticipate how much Beata's role as a dedicated mother would change the way I see her. I am not surprised by her I guess. I am surprised by how much more admiration I feel toward her. Beata just has a way that is all her own.


It's late. Time for bed.

N