The Legacy of Tony and June

(This story began as a text message to my family. After reading it over, I realized it will live better in a blog format. It is written in a way that is not intended to reach beyond my family. Anyone who knows my family, feels connected to their own family, or knows my hometown of Ionia, Mich. might relate to the ideas here.)

.  .  .  

A Thanksgiving Tribute to my Grandparents, Tony and June Balice 

Roya June working on her 

Veteran's Day school 

assignment.

I came across this obit (Grandpa's obituary) when I was helping Roya June on a school assignment to “honor a veteran.” We chose Grandpa and since we could not interview him for the assignment, I read parts of his obituary to Roya and she had a lot of questions. 

"Why was there a war?"

"Do people still visit hospitals just to be nice?"

"What does a mayor do?" 

We had a nice conversation about Grandpa and what it means to help others in your community. Roya June is the best of Grandpa and Grandma - Grandma's namesake with an inventive and creative curiosity and Grandpa's compassionate heart.

In a sure sign that I am getting old I think more about Grandpa and Grandma and miss them in new ways. They really were remarkable people whose lives were evidence of service to others.  

.  .  .  

I loved the pace of my childhood - downtime, impromptu visits at Grandpa and Grandmas, seemingly no structure and navigating it all with the safety net of a family always there. I only knew Grandpa and Grandma at a time when the pace of life was slow - for them and for me. That slow pace was a luxury and I reach back nostalgically to capture it from time to time. 

Grandpa and Grandma, long before I knew them.

My pace does not feel slow now, but it’s probably not much different than what my mom and aunts & uncles lived as they raised young children. While I miss home and the pace of growing up in a small town in the '80s, Kavaun and Roya enjoy weekend downtime making forts, playing the piano, “inventing” robots and cheering on our favorite teams. We try to keep the pace manageable.

Our families (the cousins) are spread out now, and those little pieces of Baldie Street are reminders to me of how important it is to slow down, make time for each other and reconnect. I know that my brother and cousins have their own collection of greatest hits centered around Grandpa and Grandma.  

Living with intention seemed a bit more natural in 1980's Ionia. I used to think it was the geography - our little town with all of us in it  - that made our family so unique. That was part of the beauty, and now I realize it was the commitment to time spent with one another and the intentionality of my grandparents that made my childhood memorable. Several families live near one another, yet the closeness growing up with my family was something felt more than it was about physically experiencing life together. 

The cousins circa early '80s. We all lived within a few miles 

of one another. I am the second one from the right.

Without a doubt, Grandpa and Grandma led the way and taught all of us how to be there for one another. When I was a kid, there was no need to examine the sense of family we had - it was normal and wasn't really questioned or even thought about because it's all I knew. When you're a kid and your cousins and grandparents are fixtures in your life, there's no need to examine or understand something that is as natural as breathing. I just got to be a kid and take for granted all the support and guidance built into everyday life.  

Now, as an adult, I appreciate it and understand that together way of life and how it has shaped me. I am most grateful to my grandparents for how they lived their values and shaped my life. Of course, they had their mistakes, shortcomings, and imperfections. My gratitude is more about their way of life and doing for others - a sort of understated generosity I appreciate looking back now.   

.  .  .  

I imagine grandpa and grandma laughing their asses off about our children and all of us really. They're smiling easily without much worry about how it will work out in the end. If they were here on earth with me, they’d have faith it will all work out because when you’re old that just seems to make more sense. 

I channel Grandpa and Grandma in all kinds of different situations. I am surprised by how often I think about them. Some weeks, it's a lot. Like almost every day. It’s usually passing moments or small reminders that bring them to mind. 

Sometimes it’s at work when I try to imagine how grandpa would work in my role with the people I see every day and some of the baggage that needs untangling (some of it my own no doubt!). I viewed him as passionate and measured. Humble. Charitable. Well-intentioned. When I lose my way or get annoyed with petty people and small thinking, grandpa helps me bring it back into focus. Or at home, I think about grandma offering me perspective on my quirky stubborn wildly creative complex son. Her advice in her 70s would be so different than her advice in her 50s no doubt. 

Kavaun does things his way. Always.

Roya would have been grandpa’s favorite - she checks all the boxes and she would love his chuckle and his hugs with that five o’clock shadow scratching her cheeks. Can you imagine Grandpa with James, Roya and Edie? The affection. The ice-cream dates. The cuddling. Roya loves patiently the same as grandpa. Roya's tender heart is her superpower. It was his, too. 

Kavaun - that boy would be Grandma’s project. Grandma would be entertained by him and I imagine her re-telling tales of his childhood exploits to others with humor. Grandma would challenge his thinking, encourage his creativity and I think she would offer me some solid parenting perspective. "Some people just aren't built for obedience and compliance," I imagine she might say to me.  I also think she’d love Kavaun in a way we sometimes miss or need reminding of since we're so close to his fire. 

Kavaun might kick her ass in UNO and sneak five candy bars from the drawer, and I think she’d appreciate him in ways we don’t always recognize. I channel her sense of humor that I got to know as a young man when I feel defeated. 

I feel pretty damn lucky to have grandparents I can romanticize. 

This was off the cuff and thought it was worth sharing. 

Happy Sunday.