Figuring out what to keep and what to leave behind when this is all over

The wishing well, a bike pedal, and all-star neighbors 

Roya June's wishing well idea came to life.

This past Sunday morning, Roya June made a wishing well from a small container in the recycle bin. She handed each of us a penny and directed us to write our initials on it. Then one by one, we closed our eyes, made a wish, and dropped our penny in the water. 

I wished that my little girl would always maintain her sense of humor and confidence. Even though her self-assurance occasionally fuels conflict with her older brother, we know her tenacity is a gift.

After the wishes, our seven-year-old sweetheart sprinkled sugar in the water and placed the wishing well on her nightstand. It sits next to a dish for her "pet" dog - a stuffed animal that she bathes and walks. Roya's lifelong wish is to have a real pet, and we may actually cave to the idea. 

In quarantine, her robust imagination is reserved for the things she wants to do, like care for stuffed animals, read, and draw. She also spends her free time rummaging through the recycle bin, making things, and designing bug habitats. Her creativity and whimsy bring joy to our home. 

On this day in history

Fifteen minutes later, and my 11-year-old son Kavaun was researching what happened on our birthdays throughout history. He even looked up the birthdates of neighbors and delivered his findings to them as gifts. This production was his attempt to encourage smiles and stay connected. It worked.

For fun, he also researched the US President's birthdates. 

"Did you know that a US President was born in every single month?" he mumbled from behind the computer screen. "January has the most, and out of forty-five, only President Taft was born in September."

The slow pace of quarantine suits us well.                                                         

A few minutes passed, and Kavaun felt it necessary to tell Roya that she also shares a birthday "with the guy who killed Abraham Lincoln." This could have led to tears and shouting, but she smiled and replied softly, "I guess I am a bad person, then?" She skipped away, saying, "Oh, well," as her brother looked on, surprised. 

She's learning how to match his wit, and it is entertaining.

Then Kavaun launched into other share-worthy facts. For example, the final episode of Cheers happened on Beata's birthdate (1993), and Nelson Mandela was elected President of South Africa on Roya's birthdate (1994).  

Handyman skills and good neighbors boost the psyche 

After lounging around with my family discussing birthdays and US Presidents, I shopped all four aisles of the local hardware store. The prized item on my shopping spree was my very own thatch rake. I also purchased some duct tape, lightbulbs, gardening gloves, and parts for some home projects in my socially distant face-masked excursion. When I got home, I happily spent three hours doing yard work. A couple small blisters and the exercise raking dead grass set my mind straight. 

On Sunday night, I used my new duct tape to fix Roya's bike pedal. Her advice to replace it with a pedal from her old bike made sense. I had no idea how to pull that off, so I turned to superglue and duct tape instead. 

This is how I roll.

My exploits in the do it yourself department are limited despite fifteen years of homeownership. There is one incredible highlight, though. 

Mr. Doug and his wife, Miss Kris, with the neighborhood kids in 2016. Every year,
on the eve before school starts, they host an ice-cream social for all the kids and 
neighbors. Beyond that event, Kris is known to share sweet treats with the kids often, 
and Doug has helped with several home projects throughout the neighborhood.

After more than a decade of supergluing and taping our house together, I took apart our dishwasher to fix a burnt-out motor. My two-day fix in the summer of 2018 was the Super Bowl of homeownership. I still swell with pride every time I hit start on our Whirlpool. I ordered the parts online and did the work all by myself with an assist from YoutTube. Our awesome neighbor, "Mr. Doug," loaned me a few tools so I could save our three-year-old dishwasher from the curb.  

My daughter gets excited when I pretend to be handy. The bar is so low that pouring Drain-O in the bathroom sink earns a high five from my little girl. Recently, Roya marveled at my ability to "build" a five-piece IKEA bookshelf. 

Roya is curious and regularly mimics fixing and building things. Fortunately, she also recognizes actual handiwork since Mr. Doug has been over countless times to "help" me with projects. Basically, I hold a flashlight or hand Doug tools, and he does all the work. 

Doug is one of those guys who replaces his own roof, remodels his own bathroom, and, together with his wife Kris, maintains an immaculate lawn. He makes it look easy, and Kris is known to volunteer Doug's services to friends and neighbors. He's taken on more than a few projects at our home over the years.

From replacing our water heater (twice) to putting new wheels on our lawnmower, my children have seen it all. A couple years ago, my son snuck a mini-foosball table out of our garbage pile to see if Mr. Doug could fix it. He rebuilt the beat-up frame, repaired a couple flimsy handles, and returned it to our home sturdier than it came out of the box. The kids were in awe.   

For my home projects, it always starts with Doug looking over a problem and me reciting to him what I learned online in my research on the situation. For years, when things in our house needed attention, our children used to ask if Mr. Doug could teach me how to fix it. Now, they just wonder when he'll be over so I can hold his flashlight. 

A renewed search for harmony

Whether it's playing ball with my children, fixing things, or taking the time to collect my thoughts and write, I am staying in life's moments a bit longer than usual. 

Life's rollercoaster will always exist, and right now, we are spending less time just getting by and rushing through the day-to-day. For us, the choice to slow down was made for us, and we are grateful for those people who have different stories. Frontline and essential workers continue to sacrifice while we sit down to meals as a family every day, sometimes twice a day. Through all of this, my thoughts are on them and people who are suffering due to this virus. 

Being jilted into a new lifestyle felt agonizing at first. Then, it slowly got better as we adapted. Sure, our plans change a little from one week to the next, but we found a new rhythm.  

On the one hand, the health and economic implications of this pandemic are scary, and like everyone, I wish this was not happening. I am also grateful that the trivial matters related to life outside of my home have mostly evaporated. For me, holding two conflicting ideas in my head has given me pause.

Some of the changes associated with this quarantine hold a lot of promise. I am lucky because I am in a position to find the wins. It is sobering to know that I have the privilege to get used to this differently than many others, and that is not really fair. 

Our nature walk was a success. We saw a pair of ducks,
countless birds and we talked about our encounters
with wildlife over the years. 

Over the course of the last seven weeks, we have adapted and reimagined how we operate as a family. 

We move at a different pace.  

We are learning how to embrace a new mindset and take a better approach to what we do in our daily lives. In our home, we have started new traditions and we have also started more conversations.

We enjoy more desserts, walks, and games together as a family. Sure, we also feel cooped up, get edgy, and get on each other's nerves. We continue to learn when to give space and we are finding new ways to support one another.

We expend less energy going through the motions to merely keep up. Outside of work, the time spent at home together seems a bit more meaningful than before. I don't think a lot of this will be easy to sustain in the future, but maybe we need to be snapped into harmony. For us, maybe this is one of those times?

With everyone living in a new normal, the list of things to leave behind on the other side of this pandemic continues to grow.