What I think I thought

I think the title of this blog, "Forty Days" is a telling indication of where I am today and how much my eyes have been opened to being a stay at home parent. Let's start with the notion that I started with which was to post a blog entry for forty different days this summer. I am sure somewhere in my well-intentioned heart I thought it would be easy to sit down and write about my summer with Kavaun at least three or four times per week. The reality is that even though I have fought hard not to have the days and weeks run together, it is inevitable that life happens that way. Sitting down to write (something I thoroughly enjoy) has taken a backseat to doing all of the things we do together. Let's see - we go for walks just about everyday and while our cool summer has several people unhappy because their beach time and tans took a hit, it has proven to be great weather for walks. Some of our walks last two hours. And then there is also the time spent rolling around and crawling in the backyard. The backyard time is a huge draw for the neighbors too. I usually time this to happen arund 5 p.m. and as moms and dads next door get home from work they bring their childred out to play with Kavaun and we visit. It gives me a few more sets of eyes to make sure my boy stops eating leaves and grass too. And let's not forget our occasional car rides, errands and reading time. The staff at Four Seasons Market look forward to a Kavaun visit. Now when I go in alone they seem less excited by my business. Then by the time the toys are picked up, he naps, I shower and eat we seem to be repeating the cycle. It is very important to note that I report this with a smile.

But I do have to laugh at what I thought staying home would be like and what it actually is. I think I thought that I would have a lot more time to do my own thing while home with Kavaun for the day ("think I thought" language makes it clear I do not know what I was really thinking). I just assumed that with a couple naps and the idea that he could not possibly need me every minute, I would be able to post some blog entries, edit pictures, catch up on "stuff" and then have a clean house all ready for when Beata gets home from work. Laughable really.

The thing is that when Kavaun is awake, I want to play with him and read to him. I am not as interested in my own time like I expected I would be. And yes, he really does need a set of eyes on him for just about every minute. Just when I think I have baby-proofed everything, Kavaun finds something new to eat (today it was junk mail on the couch and yesterday it was pine needled caught in the door casing - must have come off the Christmas tree?). The point here is that I clearly had no clue what staying home with a baby was about. The other point - I really do enjoy this opportunity. One more reason why my profession is perfect for me since it allows for extended time at home.

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When we were in Oregon Kavaun slept so lightly that approaching his crib became a job for a Navy Seal. In fact, one time I went in to check on him and Kavaun got restless and actually sat up inhis crib. I hit the floor and held my position for about 5 minutes in the dark room until it was clear and I could army crawl to the hallway. When I went downstairs and reported the incident to Beata and her mom, I explained to them how close of a call it was. As I was wiping the sweat from my brow, Beata's mom began laughing so hard I thought she was going to wake him up. In the six years I have known Beata's mother I have never seen her laugh like that. She thought is was so funny that we would all go to such lengths to make sure Kavaun is happy (including her).

Right now I am laughing from our downstairs office area with a granola bar on the desk beside a full thermos of hot coffee. There is no way that now that I would even consider a trip upstairs now that I finally got Kavaun to sleep. I tiptoe around like a teenager coming home after curfew.

Good times. Pleny of smiles.
N